Violating Human Rights in the Name of Safety

The night is dark and full of terrors... the day is bright and filled with promise and joy...

 

Today though is filled with smoke from the forest fires enveloping British Columbia and frustration. Yesterday was Cobe's first day of high school. I was both nervous and excited. Nervous because I 'Why I Chose to Unschool My Son') and I was excited for my baby to start a new journey in his life. Cobe was Unschooled for 3 years and this summer he decided to go to the local high school. He wanted to be with his boys and meet girls. Fair enough! It was his choice to leave public schooling and it was his choice to return.
don't like what school was created for and what it does to the children (for more information about that, read this article

 

My guides told me that he is there to learn; not like Math or English although yes, he will learn that but he is meant to learn about people and how to interact with them. Just for clarification, I speak to my spirit guides on a regular basis. Anyways, they told me that the unschooling was fabulous and I should be very proud but he needs to be out in the world now. Deep breath... They told me my lessons have given him more awareness than most kids his age, which is awesome! They told me it's another success for me. I have many but that is a side story. Although knowing that helped me to get out of my funk. In my last post (The Dark Night of the Soul) I wrote about the funk I was in. The funk has cleared and I feel good (cue James Brown) aside from what I witnessed yesterday...

 

A System Forcing Kids To Obey Through Fear

 

One of the reasons (among many) I agreed with Cobe's decision to leave public schooling was because of how the school treats children. I parent with the peaceful parent approach. I treat my son as my equal. He is on journey, that journey being life. I am on the same journey. The difference is I have 17 years more experience on this journey than he does. Does that mean that I have it all figured out? Hell naw! I do have a vast amount of knowledge I've acquired over the years but I ain't got it all figured out and I will never pretend I do; especially to him. It's fuckin ridiculous to see the way parents treat their children sometimes. Like they are above them saying things like, "I'm the boss," "Do as I say," "Children should be seen and not heard," and on and on. They act like because they are older, they are better, more established and have the right to be authoritarian like that is the best way to parent. Because that's how they were parented, like their parents before them and so on. In my opinion, it's the laziest way to parent. The most amusing part is when I know the parent personally and they are not a good person... at best. And yet, to their kid they act like a God. I'm almost choking on my tea right now chuckling about it.

 

The school is no different. Instead of having a set of values and principles, there are rules; a million of them. Which of course causes kids to rebel. It's also is a terrible way to teach. And I wouldn't even call them rules; I'd say they're more like demands that must be obeyed or else there will be grave consequences. It's the old fear based system to control. It's old and fuckin outdated. It's still in place I imagine because most parents agree with it because that is the very basis of their parenting. That or they don't have the balls to speak up and say it needs to be changed.

 

As I was reading Cobe's agenda the other day (the parents were told we had to read the first 20 pages of it) I noticed that most of it was a list of demands and if not followed, would have serious consequences including getting the RCMP involved. Really? Them? Gimmie a fuckin break! Yea, lets get the cops involved and start them in the criminal "justice" system early. Kids make mistakes, it's part of learning and growing. Our society is so fucked. Some of the rules included dressing appropriately and not wearing anything that will offend anyone although they didn't specify what was appropriate or not. It also said the clothing can't be distracting. They didn't need to specify that for me to know what that means. It means girls wearing clothing that is "distracting" for guys. When I was in high school there was a dress code for girls. Like spaghetti strap tank tops. Spaghetti strap tank tops!!! If you wore that to school (because it was hot out), you'd have to wear this huge white t-shirt that stank because they never washed it. I mean, what about the guys? They wore these sexy jerseys, those were distracting. What about when they took those jerseys off to play hockey and they'd have a muscle shirt on underneath all dripping in sweat (fanning myself). Woo... those were definitely distracting. But the guys were allowed to wear whatever. Not only is school authoritarian and fear based, it's sexist.

 

Witnessing Kids Rights Being Violated In The Parking Lot

 

So, yesterday... Cobe was going to catch the school bus but as he was waiting, had to go to the bathroom. He asked if I could drive him instead so he could go before he went to school. I of course agreed cause it wasn't a big deal. He does his business and we head off. As we get close, you can see 100s (literally) of cars coming and going from the school. We had to wait in the left turn lane for like 15 minutes because people turning right wouldn't let anyone else go. It was nuts. So, finally we get to turn left and we're slowly creeping up the road leading to the school parking lot. As we were creeping, I noticed a cop car on the right side that was pointing at certain vehicles to pull over. I'm thinking, 'What the fuck is going on? A road block?' As I creep past, I noticed he was only pulling over students who were driving. I could feel heat forming in my chest and slowly rising up to my cheeks (which usually happens when I witness an injustice of some kind). He was asking for their drivers license and registration. There was a teacher or maybe the principal there helping him.

 

Now if you know anything about our rights as Canadian, you'd know that most road blocks infringe on our human rights. Being presumed guilty until proven innocent is not what Canada parades itself to be. You always hear the old saying, 'You are innocent until proven guilty' but this is not upheld. The issue of probable cause comes into to play. What is this officer's probable cause to pull over students heading into the school parking lot on their way to school? As a side note, I personally think road blocks are a waste of time and money. It's not preventing drinking and driving or keeping people safer. It just seems to be a money grab and people will do their best to not get caught. Either they know this and don't care or they're incompetent and should not have the kind of power they do.

 

Either way, I wasn't sure why they were pulling these students over and but I did know for sure it didn't seem right. So, after I got back home I called the school to find out exactly why they were doing that. The receptionist informed that it was a "tradition" and they do it to make sure the kids weren't drinking and driving because they were probably partying on the weekend. Ummm... what!? The receptionist was kind of laughing about it like it was funny. She also stated, "they're doing it to make sure seatbelts are being worn, there isn't too many kids in the car because they have their N," etc.

 

When you have your N driver's license, that stands for 'New' or 'Novice'. Having this label gives you a multitude of rules such as you're only allowed one person in the car who is not related to you. You're also not allowed to drive people who are underage, including if it's your kid's friend. If you break these rules, you can lose your license. For some, driving is their very livelihood, especialy when you live in a rural area like here in the Cowichan Valley. Regardless, it's fuckin ridiculous. They say it's about safety. Like they do about all things that cause us to have our rights taken away. When it comes to driving though, anything can happen, no matter how experienced your driving is, driving is always a risk.

 

So back to the receptionist... I said that what they are doing is violating the students rights and it's discrimination. None of the parent drivers were being pulled over. Adults break the rules all the time yet we were not being checked on. The probable cause (as the receptionist put it) was that they were young and because they were young, that automatically means that they won't be following the rules, are drinking and driving on a Tuesday morning and aside from that... it was "tradition."

 

I was flabbergasted. They are teaching the kids that not only are they guilty until proven innocent because they are young but that it's perfectly okay to infringe on their rights and assume such things in the same of "safety." Fuuuck that. What a fuckin joke! The receptionist didn't give two shits that me as parent was concerned about this. She said if I had a problem with it I could call the officer who was doing it and discuss it with him. I declined (because what good would that do? Cops already infringe on our rights all the time and I'm sure the officer is happy to do it to meet his "quotas") and asked who gave the okay to do it. She told me the Principal did and said I could talk to him but he wasn't available so I could leave a voice mail. Mmm, no thanks. First off, I could cause a ruckus about it but the thing is, I don't want my out-spoken, justice driven, rights upholding nature to infringe on Cobe's time there. If the principal asked who my kid was, I wouldn't want to tell him. So then what would I do? Hang up? Pretend there is bad connection all of a sudden? I want Cobe's time there to go smoothly. I already know the Principal and I will not agree. It's not like he'll change his mind about their annual "tradition" in the same of safety. I know when and where to pick my battles and if it could affect Cobe, I'll quiet the warrior in me for his sake.

 

After I got the phone, I was fuckin pissed. I grumbled about it, laughed at the fucked upness of it and shook my head that our world is filled with such tyranny at every turn it seems. I immediately had to start doing self-care. I can't let all my growth go out the window because I'm feeling pissed off at what I witnessed. I was sticking up for the students. I was speaking out for them to the receptionist
because who else will? All the systems of the world are broken and collapsing. The natural disasters we have faced recently (hurricane Harvey and Irma, the entire west coast is on fire, flooding in India and other places to name a few) are a reflection of these systems falling. They have been broken for a long time, if they were ever whole to begin with. Our Mother Earth is growing as we grow. We are birthing a new way it's going to be chaotic. It seems like there is so much darkness right now because light is being shined on parts of it that were hidden in shadow.

 

As a mother, I am just concerned for my son. He is growing up in this place. The best I can do is keep moving forward and focus on the solutions. There are many solutions I'm working on and all will be resolved... in time.

 

Until next time... deep breath...

 

 

 

 

 

The Indoctrination of Spanking - Creating a Society of Obediance Through Abuse

This morning while I was waking up and scrolling through Facebook; I came across an article that was posted by 'The Mind Unleashed' Facebook page titled, '"I'm Gonna Make it Hurt!" Cop Suspended After His Own Son Filmed Him Brutally Beating His Sister.' It was about a male cop, who was beating his toddler daughter with a belt while the son filmed it trying to expose the brutality of his father. In the video, the mother is a silent on-looker. She is a corrections officer. The home has debris everywhere and the son is making comments about how his father 'used to do the same thing to him but doesn't anymore because he listens now'. The video (which was not in its entirety) was horrific. The sister was screaming out of fear and agony. As a mother, it was hard to watch. You can view the article here.

In May of this year, I seen an article that was posted by Collective Evolution titled, 'Here's What Getting Spanked As A Kid Did To Your Personality.' The article was written by a CE writer named Amanda Monteiro. It was very well written and made some good and important points regarding what spanking does to the child. You can view the article in its entirety here.

It highlights a recent study published in The Journal of Family Psychology by experts at the University of Texas at Austin and the University of Michigan, that claims that, 'children who get spanked are more likely to “defy their parents and to experience increased anti-social behavior, aggression, mental health problems and cognitive difficulties.“

And this isn’t just a typical study that monitored children for maybe a couple of years. In fact, researchers say “it is the most complete analysis to date of the outcomes associated with spanking, and more specific to the effects of spanking alone than previous papers, which included other types of physical punishment in their analyses.” This study is based off of a meta-analysis of 50 years of research involving over 160,000 children.'

 

It goes on to say that, 'The analysis focuses on what most Americans would recognize as spanking—an open-handed hit on the behind or extremities. When any parent chooses to spank their child, more often than not his or her intention is to create long-term obedience, when in reality, it only creates immediate obedience. “We found that spanking was associated with unintended detrimental outcomes and was not associated with more immediate or long-term compliance, which are parents’ intended outcomes when they discipline their children,” says Elizabeth Gershoff, an associate professor of human development and family sciences at The University of Texas at Austin.

 

Further into the article, it speaks of a method called, 'Gentle Parenting' and highlights steps parents can take to adopt this form of parenting. The steps remind me of an approach I adopted when my son was born known as peaceful parenting. I adopted this method for many reasons but the main one is that I didn't feel right about hitting my son whether it was smacking his but or his hand and because of that; I could never do it. People actually called me out for not spanking him.

 

At the time I was surrounded by mothers my age because I went to a school for teen parents (yes, I was a teen parent). I noticed some of the mothers (and fathers) had adopted what I deemed as fear based parenting. It's basically a form of parenting that is based on fear, threats and harsh punishments such as spanking. My years long observation (and reflections of what I seen growing up) showed me one commonality and that was that this form of parenting taught the children that if someone doesn't do what they like or agree with; that using fear, violence (hitting), intimidation and threats to force the other person into complying with what they want will work and the child then practiced this form because they were taught it.

 

This form of parenting is not new. In fact, it's been around for 1000s of years. Our parents did it, and their parents before them and so on. Violence has been used by many different hierarchies throughout
history to enforce their will and rule onto the people. Any history buff knows this. Because it's been around for so long, people see it as "normal" and a justified means to get children to "behave". Knowing the peaceful parenting approach and having practiced it for 13 years, I know that fear based parenting is not normal and that there is a better way that will benefit the child more long term.

 

After reading the article, I read the comments and many people called the article bullshit; claiming that they were spanked (some beaten) and it taught them respect. They went on to say that most children these days are disrespectful little brats who are out of control and need to be spanked. I couldn't help but wonder who's children they were speaking of. Were they speaking of their own or children they knew from the community? They

never specified even when I prompted them. I commented myself and wrote about how my son was never spanked, intimidated, or threatened into "behaving". Instead, I treated my son as my equal and myself as a guide on helping him to make decisions. I would go down to his level (kneeling) and would discuss with him the issue, whatever it was and give him a choice because no matter how old we are, we have choices. "Time Outs" was one tool I used but it wasn't a punishment for bad behavior. It was ultimately a choice he made and the time out was merely a time for reflection. 

 

For example: My son was about 5 and was throwing his toys around the house. One toy hit the window pretty hard. I asked him to stop throwing the toys. He didn't. So I said, "Okay mister, you got two choices, you can stop throwing toys and we can do some Art or bake some cookies or you can continue to throw toys and go to your room." He threw a toy at me. So I picked him up and brought him to his room, told him 'he was on a "time out" for throwing toys and that it was ultimately his choice because he could have chosen to do something else' and left him in "time out" for 5 minutes. The "time out" lengths are

based on age. After the time out, I went and spoke with him. I asked him if he knew why he was on a "time out" and he said he that he knew why and when I  prompted him on why he stated, "Because I was throwing toys and that could break my toys, the window and hurt somebody." Then I would ask him if he was going to throw toys again and he said he wouldn't. I'm sure he did it again but children push boundaries so see what they can get away with. Adults do it too. It's our job as parents to practice patience and teach them boundaries and why they are important to respect.  It's our job to teach them to be respectful and how to respect things. This can not be taught once but actually has to be done a number of times repetitively until they understand why what they are doing is harmful. Assuming that spanking a child is going to teach them respect or boundaries is very naïve. I don't know too many people who carry a high level of respect for others and most importantly, themselves. When I was growing up, the "young kids" didn't have respect (because it's learned over a time through various experiences and lessons) so in regards to that comment about how kids nowadays don't have any respect to him I say, "I don't know what the heck you're talking about!?" My son is the most respectful, kind and polite young man. I am not the only one who would say this. Teachers, his friend's parents, people in our inner-circle would all tell you the same.

 

Going back to when I was younger, a lot of people I know growing up were spanked. I noticed that this created two kinds of people. Some who were extremely aggressive to others while the rest were passive and didn't have much assertiveness (among other things which I will get to later on). The people who were extremely aggressive to others would bully and attack people without provocation. Some grew up in households where there was not only spanking (or a beating of some kind with a belt, spoon or something else) but yelling and screaming; where discussions about important things did not happen. Things like self-respect, boundaries, respect for other people, compassion, understanding and tolerance. I've contemplated time and time again, why do people bully? When my son was being bullied, the bully's mom would pick him up from school and say, "You little shit, you're always in trouble. What is wrong with you? I'm tired of having to come here and hear about all the problems you create," I remember thinking to myself, 'Hmm, I wonder if that's why he's a bully? Look at how his mom treats him. No respect or discussion, just name calling and abuse... in public too. I wonder what happens at home. Maybe you're the problem.'

 

Spanking your child -in all honesty- is the lazy way out. It takes a lot of work to teach a child things like boundaries, respect, etc. and to practice to patience but it's easy to just give a smack and be on with your day. Some would argue that some kids need to be smacked and that they just wouldn't benefit from peaceful or gentle way because they are "too out of control." I don't believe that. I

know some kids have special needs and some can be more aggressive than others but if a child has special needs than methods of teaching them should match their needs. They need extra love, support and patience. If it can't be done by the parents, seeking out support from professionals can offer even further options and benefits. I think that adults should use any other method possible instead of resorting to swats on the behind. Most people are so used to the old-fashioned idea that spanking teaches and solves problems in children. I think that we have been a very unconscious and unaware society that has a history deeply rooted in violence and oppression. I think that because peaceful parenting is not done by most parents and we didn't see this form of parenting when we were growing up; there will be those who question its effectiveness.

 

The effectiveness I believe, is highlighted in my son. I have always treated him as my equal. By treating our children as equals gives them a sense of belonging and empowerment that young people need. How I see it is that I am on a journey on the planet just like my son. I may have more years of experience on the journey but I certainly don't have everything figured out. When I was younger, adults were constantly acting like they knew so much more than me and they were above me because they were older. I was constantly told that the adults were the boss of me. I had no freedom, no choice and most importantly I had no fucking clue as to why I had all these rules enforced upon me (even though some rules had justification but were not fully understand until I was older). There were no discussions about why I wasn't allowed to do something or what could happen to me if I did. I was told, "Do as I say, don't question me. I know more than you, I'm older." I could have avoided a lot of misery in my life had an adult had a real conversation and discussion with me about things. My Dad though did talk to me and that can't be left unsaid. When I refer to my experiences with authority figures and adults, he is excluded.

 

Upon becoming an adult myself, I realized that the adults from childhood had little to nothing figured out. I learned that their way of parenting (which is the way they were taught by their parents) is an uneducated way to get a child to conform to their will (for whatever the reasons are). This indoctrination is then justified by parents who continue to use this form of parenting over generations. This way is not singular to parenting either. We are taught this in school as well as in the workplace when we get older. There are hierarchies in all stages of our lives that use fear, intimidation, threats and acts of violence to manifest their agendas. Because it's everywhere, it appears normal. Violence (hitting with rulers among other things) was once "normal" in schools. There's some food for thought. 

 

I think that perhaps if more people knew of the study that was done and it's findings - particularly that spanking causes serious, long-term effects on children - that most would evaluate this outdated and savage practice. Because most people get their facts and information from the news the study might not have validity for them because it wasn't aired on mainstream media. With everything I've learned about the deception not only in the media but in our schools and the hierarchy of governments my first thought is of course this isn't mainstream news. Those who had a part in creating our society (John D. Rockefeller in particular) wanted the people (peasants as John and his colleagues referred to the people as) to be obedient workers (for further information about this please click here to read an article I wrote that exposes what John D. Rockefeller said and did to create an obedient society). The obedience indoctrination was taught in schools and further enforced within the home by the parents. We are taught our whole lives to obey authority. If we don't obey the authorities of school we are punished by the school and later at home. If we question the unjust laws of our society or break them we will be punished and sometimes beaten (it happens, I've seen it first hand) by the arresting authorities who enforce the corrupt, oppressive laws. Most people don't because of the intimidation they were subjected to growing up and in school. We are taught at a young age to fear authorities, not necessarily respect them.

Going back to the article about what spanking does to a child's development, one woman commented and stated that she is fine even through she was spanked. She has respect, she never got in trouble in

school etc.. The thing about that is she could have a number of problems that she just isn't relating to being spanked. I've done healing, life coaching and counselling for 20 years. I've seen it all and then some. Most don't recognize their own shit because they're so used to it. She might be a people-pleaser and a "yes" girl. She might have a hard time saying no especially to authority or if she is pressured into doing something. Because she never got into trouble at school, my guess is she never and still doesn't question authority. She might be very passive aggressive. She might have OCDs. She might be more susceptible to being an abusive relationship with someone she loves. The list is endless and of course she's not going to write about it and admit these things because she hasn't related them back to her early years. She is trying to justify (like most others who were spanked) that spanking not only didn't harm them; that it helped them. It's fucking crazy! I'm sorry.... it just is. And that's how you create an obedient society. A society that will defend the very abusive practices that have enslaved them and their children.

At the end of the day our children are the future. We must raise them with understanding, respect, boundaries, compassion, joy and so much more. It takes work but it can be done and will have beautiful results. I have no judgement for those who are spanking, who spanked (particularly my

parents) and who have been spanked (because I was), I just hope that you will find it in you to read the study that was done and look at other ways to teach your child because at the end of the day, spanking is teaching them whether you chose to believe that or not. We have the power to change our ways. And just like hitting in school became obsolete and is seen as messed up, I hope too one day spanking done by parents will become nothing more than a violent smear on our oppressive past.

If you wish to adopt peaceful parenting ways, there are many books, documentaries and information available. I'd be happy to share some techniques I've practiced over the years or help guide you in the right direction.